Thinking About Anger Management
It is worth reviewing anger and aggression in order to have a better understanding of one’s emotions and strive toward anger management. Often when someone feels frustrated they are liable to get really angry when their emotions are aroused. However, frustration does not occur in a short time; in stead, frustration arises when previous issues come into focus. So, frustration is a deep, unrelieved sense or state of lack of confidence and displeasure arising from unsettled grievances or unsatisfied needs.
Anger then is the feeling a person gets when he or she does not get their way, or when a series of issues, which were buried waiting for the time to attack, rise to the surface. Aggression is a forceful act or modus operandi utilized to dominate another individual. Aggression is an argumentative, harmful or destructive mode of behavior or viewpoint particularly when caused by frustration. Aggression can be good if our lives are in danger, but in most instances aggression causes harm.
Assertiveness on the other hand is an effective way of communicating your feelings to someone else individual without causing injury, havoc or antipathy. Assertiveness is a strong, bold,confident quality we have within us in order to help us to take care of our rights when others want to wrong us. If we learn the difference between aggression and assertiveness we can learn a good behavioural pattern, while taking control of our life and avoiding further problems.
So, if you are feeling frustrated, you might want to sit down and rethink your situation, opinions, theories, reasoning etc. By reviewing the things that make you angry, you can reduce the tension when you feel anger rising; then you will realize that it is not worth getting angry about, since the causes of your frustrations are out of your control. For example, when you are considering your situation, you might see another point of view and conclude that your frustration is pointless.
Assertive action against an individual who has done you wrong, can be far more effective than blowing a gasket. We can see from an example, how someone loses his or her temper and what the consequences are he or she must face because of this reaction.
For example, two people are engaged in an argument and a fight breaks out. One of the individuals was accused of spreading lies about the other. The violent episode attracts the neighbours and the police are called. When the police arrive, both parties are placed in handcuffs and both are taken to jail. Their problems increase since they both may pay fines, court costs and, possibly, probation fees. Therefore, one problem led to a series of problems and it does not stop there. When the pair is free of all fines, costs, jail and so forth they will have a police record whereby everyone will judge them for the rest of their lives, viewing them as immature, violent people.
Now let us look at another example were assertiveness was used in the scene. A couple of people confront each other after one person has spread lies throughout the neighborhood about the other person. The person victimized by the rumours walks up to his opponent and asks: ‘Why are you telling people that I have a drinking problem?’. The other person says, ‘I did not tell anyone that you have a drinking problem’. ‘Wrong!’, says the first person, ‘You told my best friend who is not a liar’. ‘Well, I assumed that you had a drinking problem because you were drinking every time I came to your house’.
‘Just because I am drinking every time you come by my place doesn’t mean that I have a problem. I won’t let you to continue putting me down and nor will I allow you to visit my house again, if you continue lying about me. Friends don’t hurt their friends. So, if you have any problems with me just talk to me about them instead of going behind my back’. What a very good job! This person did a great job asserting himself and the results will most likely prove successful. Let’s see what happens next. ‘I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to offend you. I will talk to you next time I am concerned about you. However, I am still concerned that your drinking may be a problem, since you do drink every time I visit your home’. ‘Well, OK then let’s go to my place and discuss the matter’.
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